Deciphered from cuneiform, this is the earliest known example of a break-up letter.
What’s up? Not much here. You’re probably wondering why I’m writing a letter. If I know you—and after sharing your cave for a month, I think I do—you’re probably scratching your cute temple like what the heck? Ock LAUGHS at letter-writers, then says something witty like, “Make yourself useful,” before tearing off their arms and carving the wristbones into spearheads.
Well, that was Old Ock. New Ock has a different perspective. No doubt you’ve noticed that I’ve been standing more upright lately. Those few vertical inches have changed my worldview. Literally. Instead of looking at cracked mud and mammoth scat and your breasts, my view soars over treetops, stars, and your breasts.
New sights put New Ock in mind of big and distant things. The horizon. The future. The whole deal between men and women.
Ah, but listen to me go on. If Dr. Ur was looking over my shoulder, he’d say I was “practicing avoidance.” Then again, if Dr. Ur was looking over my shoulder, he’d find himself suddenly armless. Ha! …[Keep Reading]…
Bryan is the author of The Lost Episodes of Revie Bryson (2012, Black Lawrence Press).